The Drum X Rankin:
Sell me the truth for a change - June 2019
You don't often get the chance to answer a brief as fun as this. After seeing this competition advertised on Instagram, me and my partner in creative crime Gemma Dowler had to have a go. If only someone would let us do this stuff all the time. *Nudge nudge*
Check out the brief and our ideas below.
The brief
We want to shoot your fake ad!
For The Drum’s October issue – which will focus on the theme ‘Sell me the truth for a change’, guest edited by Rankin – we want to explore the idea of honesty in advertising. So we’re going to shoot, and run some fake ads in the magazine.
The problem
Brands of all stripes advertise their products based on the idea that they’ll make you feel different. That they’ll transform your life – or at least your afternoon.
The solution
We want you to write an ad for a product in one of the below sectors that tells consumers the truth about how they’ll feel using it.
Soft drinks
Fast food
Fast casual dining
Fast fashion
Dental care
Wristwatches/jewellery
Beauty
Branded generic drugs/medicines
Create your own branded product for the category, using a made-up brand. Make it as funny – and as honest – as you can. We want to see un-aspirational, un-transformative, honest messaging with a sense of humour. Sell us the truth for a change!
The spec
We’ll be shooting the best ones ourselves for a feature in the October issue of The Drum’s print edition. Your submission needs to be a written treatment of the idea, in 200 words or less. If you want to provide a mock-up or a visual scamp as well, that would be welcome. We’d also like you to provide a bit of commentary on the idea, to be run alongside your submission. So, alongside the ad itself, we want you to explain how you advertising can be more honest, in 200 words or less.
Our response
1. Branded generic drugs/medicines
Working title?
Cheaper Than Kids
What's the big idea?
Well, er, ‘big’ is always a matter of perception, of course... But either way, the new value condom brand, Poundin, has always got you covered. Hard hitting from the start, this daring print ad needs only a few moments for you to receive its unequivocal campaign message: Cheaper Than Kids. A message that makes customers of all consenting ages ask themselves one question… “Is my payload worth the pay load?”
How does it feel?
Real, genuine, raw. Ribbed for your pleasure, or extra thin. Whatever your preference... the packet’s open, the product’s the hero, and the deed’s been done. And no that’s not wallpaper paste on the left there either.
Would you buy it?
Is that a baby crying? Are you imagining university fees already? In fact, what are the consequences of NOT buying it? Plus it’s a banging idea.
2. Branded generic drugs/medicines
Working title?
EuroFen
What's the big idea?
Actually, it all started with a desperate plea to appease some twatty Tory back benchers. But while every cloud rarely has a silver lining, at least with new EuroFen, you can get relief for the biggest migraine in British history. In fact, just as the strapline suggests, it’s ideal for splitting headaches, fast-acting, and actually benefits patients regardless of whether they feel they are staying or going. That’s why, Maastrichtly speaking, they’ve remained the European market leader since 1993. And plan to stay there until at least October. But probably longer.
How does it feel?
Like twelve gold star-rated pain relief should. On a cooling blue background surrounding a massive pill of properly tested awesomeness. In fact these tablets look so effective, you’ll wonder how they get them through customs so quickly.
Would you buy it?
Well it’s a cheap form of suicide. And available at Boots.
3. Beauty
Working title?
Because You’re Told To
What's the big idea?
“Body shamin', body shamin', make you feel down, and less than amazin’” – would’ve been the perfect Beastie Boys tune if they’d used those lyrics, and got them the sell-out deal they never wanted with world-famous, Paris-based beauty brand LePressuré. A brand so overpoweringly stylish, their posters can trigger self-loathing anxiety attacks from 100 paces, all to push their new makeup range, ‘Feel’... a range that epitomises just how much better your life, your face, and their profit margins will be once you realise you’re simply too damn ugly not to buy their beauty products. So slap it all on, flick back your hair – Sassoon style – and tow the product line. Because you’re told to.
How does it feel?
Like the new you. New as in not really looking like actual you any more, or indeed the marketing images, but somewhere in between the two. Maybe. Perhaps. Who cares. We’ve got your money.
Would you buy it?
HAVE YOU LOOKED IN THE MIRROR RECENTLY? Jesus yes.
4. Fast fashion
Working title?
Crimark
What's the big idea?
When it comes to fast fashion it’s hard to avoid the spoils of cheap high street clothing, especially when you’re on a tight family budget. But you know what they don’t say? “Smaller hands means smaller overheads”. So that’s why we’ve pictured a run-of-the-mill child’s T-shirt, with its CRIMARK branded label, strapped with that cutesy tagline reminder that this gorgeous, great value little garment, is Made By Kids. So you know just where those savings come from. Not so cheerful. But definitely cheap.
How does it feel?
Friendly, soft, affordable… perfect for pulling out of the dryer, post-Lenor, for that memory-sparking, emotive inhalation of the scent of your own child. Or is that somebody else’s?
Would you buy it?
Fuck it. At that price I’d buy three.
5. Dental care
Working title?
Same Same But Different
What's the big idea?
Has anyone ever told you you have a gorgeous smile? No? Well then settle for brand new Gleam* – clinically proven to make your whole mouth feel ever so slightly mintier than before. The picture says it all. And this could be you too. Just pick up a special promotional pack of brand new Gleam*, brush twice a day and you can feel the very ‘Same Same But Different’ experience that’s become an internet sensation. But don’t all brush at once. Or do! With brand new Gleam*.
How does it feel?
Generically fresh, clean and bathroomy. Like all the others. But different.
Would you buy it?
Sure. Why stand out from the crowd when it’s easier to blend in?
6. Soft drinks
Working title?
Total Bull
What's the big idea?
That you can do more. Run faster. Jump higher. Attach a GoPro to your face and hurl your daredevil ass straight off a Portuguese cliff. All with a world-famous can of Total Bull. Just remember, that although you can do more, your heart is already struggling to keep up. But their strapline owns that too.
Total Bull
Gives you palpitations
How does it feel?
Ice cold, metallic, crisp, and refreshing. It’s 330ml of polished aluminium metal can like you’ve never seen it before. Tall, cool, and ready for action – the product’s unwavering prowess is made all the more edgy by the dark urban scene, soft-focused in the background. Blue electric lights. Neon greens and yellows piercing the dark black night. The blur of speed. After drinking it, mind, it feels like a precursor to a heart attack, which is why that background scene is actually an ambulance on a night shift.
Would you buy it?
No? Well that’s why you’ll live slow and die old.
Commentary
There's a dark and lovely cynicism behind the ideas we've pitched here. But, despite living in a world of fake news and frightening disregard for the truth, as creatives – and as parents – we have to believe and rely on people's ability to cut through the crap.
Encouragingly, this is something that's driven genuine change in the way we all respond to advertising, and how we create it. More than ever before people are punishing brands who pedal bullshit or bandwagon onto causes without walking the talk. Their persuasion is less easily bought.
But, when brands do connect products with people through genuine purpose, or with a simple message that answers a genuine need with a genuine service, the power of being honest through your advertising becomes refreshingly apparent. And that's a huge source of hope and excitement for creatives like us. And our kids.
The other truth? Well, while we had fun with this brief – making the cut for this competition would help launch us as a creative pair and unleash our ideas to help brands cut that crap, drive that change, and harness – not just honesty – but some much needed hope.
Let's get real.